boxes

i wonder how many boxes do i need to store everything i own

pretty sure 10 is enough

10 big boxes will suffice

for all the essentials, things that define my self

everything else can be trashed.

i believe that within myself there is a certain awareness

of the past, present, and future

a certain awareness that i'm only aware of once in a long while

when the room becomes suffocating and the mind realizes the restrictions it lives in

awareness is not necessarily a good thing, i think

because thinking sometimes hurts

a little bit, but sometimes too much.

the house in my mind doesn't have many doors nor windows

every once in a while i'd close a window,

every once in a long while i'd close a door

the more doors i close, perhaps the less sorry i will feel

it will be less painful, it will be less pitiful

it'll be less sad

because people don't feel bad for things they don't remember.

no matter how little air there is in the house,

i don't really want to open a window, nor a door.

because it's more painful when the air is just the same when they're opened wide.

it's even more pathetic to hold them open when the wind tries to blow them shut

i rather just slowly suffocate,

because i don't have to worry about what lies outside that may come into my space

whether or not it's poison that accelerates the experience.

maybe when i've assembled the 10 boxes

i might think that i don't need all of them after all

because useful things are better off sold

no longer useful things are better burned, turned into a symbol

and its essence be returned to the ground.

maybe i only need a small box after all

if at all.